We’ve just had Dress Up As Your Favourite Book Character Weekend at school, and we all took it extremely seriously. I had my Professor McGonagall costume imported from England (thank you, Anthony) and then spent hours in front of the mirror working on my role. The stance was very important – But the facial expressions… Continue reading Mr Toad becomes a luvvie

  What do you do when you suddenly realise that a cockroach the size of a fist has materialised from the cloth you’re carrying and is crawling across your decolletage? Well, if you’re anything like me, you scream, drop the cloth and jump around like a demented dervish until the creature flaps its wings –… Continue reading Cockroach in a coma

Today is yet another holiday in Malaysia … I think they have more public holidays than any other country in the world. Today’s holiday is in honour of the Installation of the Rotating King.  I’m just hoping he can stand still long enough for them to put the crown on his head. The installation of… Continue reading Hurrah for the Rotating King!

I have had my portrait painted …     … or crayoned to be more precise.  But it’s a very good likeness, and I shall be keeping it on my fridge.   And here is the artist, displaying another of her latest works –   I am slightly alarmed by the current trend among the… Continue reading A rose by any other name …

There are two newspapers in KL – The Star and The New Straits Times – and I have become an avid reader whenever I’m sitting in a waiting room with papers available. As an expat, I think it’s essential to find out what the current hot topics are among the locals –     and… Continue reading Local papers – don’t you just love them?

Did you know that Marmite is very popular in Malaysia? It’s used in Chinese Malay cooking, where they make  Marmite chicken or even better – Marmite prawns –   I’m sure that even Marmite haters would be converted by just one of these luscious little mouthfuls … it’s practically an umami-overdose, if such a thing… Continue reading You either love it or you hate it

OK – so Malaysia has beaches and sunshine.  It has history too, and the rainforest/jungle is a walking zoo – but all anyone here is interested in is food. Malaysians talk about food in much the same way that Brits talk about the weather.  “Have you eaten yet?” is a common morning greeting, which switches… Continue reading Let’s be honest – it’s all about the food

Penang Hill is 833 metres above sea level, and is reached by a funicular with an ascent which seems almost vertical in places. The top of the hill is a strange mix of ancient and modern; the man-made world and the natural world clinging together on a hilltop.  If you imagine an English bluebell wood… Continue reading In which I discover that David Attenborough is a tad prudish

Have visited the Tropical Spice Garden in Penang.     It’s set in an idyllic location on the coast with tantalising glimpses of the sea through the greenery.     Our guide showed us all sorts of exotic plants –     plus bats –     snakes –     and even the cat’s… Continue reading How to get away with murder

Spending a few days in George Town, capital of Penang. It’s full of cutesy architecture – – and wacky street art. The most famous piece is Children on a Bicycle, which is a photo-must for the cutesy and the humorous. Hunk on a Honda is pretty popular too. There’s also a series of cartoons made… Continue reading Pottering around Penang

A week’s holiday from school – hooray! Anthony has arrived from the UK for a visit.  He attempted to cut his costs by disapparating – but unfortuntely couldn’t manage it without splinching, so had to resort to a more mainstream form of travel. We visited the Batu Caves today – a holy Hindu site guarded… Continue reading Hitting the tourist trail

The dreaded ‘pupil reflections’ bandwagon has reached KL, and my school has leapt enthusiastically on board. Just like in the UK, the children have no idea what to write apart from stating-the-bleedin’-obvious comments about working harder, trying harder etc. But I could certainly empathise with this girl and her issues with wordsh*ts – And it… Continue reading A bad dose of the wordsh*ts

In the interests of research I have been lurking in the bushes this week. On my way home from work one day I heard shouting.  Hurrying along a tree-lined path, thinking someone was in trouble, I saw a red umbrella pushed in between two trees at a rakish angle, with an elderly lady standing in… Continue reading Tree yelling … a potential new hobby

Everyone in KL has a maid.  It’s a bit like having a cleaner in the UK, but they do more, cost less and call you ma’am. What’s not to like?  I resolved to hire one immediately, but then found out about the drawbacks – they can’t be trusted on their own in the house, and… Continue reading A revolutionary new approach to housework

This child had to be consigned to the recycling bin after asking me whether I had a baby in my tummy, and could she listen to its heartbeat.  May possibly start diet on Monday. On a more postive note, my portrayal of an Egyptian explorer received rave reviews.  Heavily influenced by Mr Benn, I disappear… Continue reading Life at the chalkface – week four

Malaysians are not fond of swimming; in fact they don’t seem fond of exercise at all.  I walk to school every day, which only takes about 30 minutes, but any locals who discover this are appalled. ‘Is so far!  Why you no take bus?  Why you no take taxi?’ If you imagine telling a Londoner… Continue reading A stroll around the grounds of Toad Hall

Somewhat unusually, I decided to host a drinks and toast housewarming party. Toasters are pretty hard to come by in KL, and I had to send away for one in the end, such was my determination not to live a toast-free lifestyle. My colleagues at school were all very envious of my toaster so, not… Continue reading Underwear and toast: an unusual housewarming

Depressingly, there are several giant Tesco stores in KL.  They look similar enough to UK stores, although their everyday products make ours look a tad dull. But I haven’t come all this way to shop at Tesco, so I looked elsewhere. There is a giant shoppping mall – fourth largest in the world, actually –… Continue reading Sussing the supermarkets