Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about leeches

I went on a guided forest hike today, and before we set out the guide gathered us together for the briefing, which included instructions on dealing with leeches.

‘Rule number one,’ he said sternly, ‘is don’t become hysterical.’

A mere five minutes later we had all forgotten this instruction, and there was general hysteria from the crowd, and more focused hysteria from Sarah, the first person to find a leech attached to her.

Luckily (for the rest of us) this gave the guide the opportunity to show us how to roll the leech round and round with your fingers to detach it.  But once you’ve detached it you have to flick it away very quickly or it attaches to your finger and starts bloodsucking again immediately, and you have to repeat the whole process.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by the clinginess of the leech, as I’ve been using that metaphor for years – but obviously without really thinking about the creature itself.  I expect I’d be equally surprised if I saw a couple of rats having a race, or a kangaroo dispensing justice; the expressions have become detached in my mind from the creatures in question.

Anyway – the whole point of this walk was not to learn how to deal with leeches, but to hike through the forest to the canopy walkway and then walk across wobbling planks suspended between trees, 30 metres up in the air.

It was frankly terrifying, and I’m very glad that I didn’t find out until afterwards that it’s closing permanently on 30th June, because it’s so old and dilapidated.  Not quite as decrepit as the ones that the likes of Indiana Jones run across to escape marauding natives or runaway boulders, but more ramshackle than anything you’d be allowed to tackle in England without a hard hat, ropes and a signed disclaimer.

I managed to get across, chanting to myself ‘I can do this, I can do this’ – and even cracked a feeble smile for a photo.

As you can see here, some of the planks are coming apart – I just hope they last until 30 June.

Then, when I got down, as if that wasn’t enough excitement for one day, I had to remove a leech, that has left a hole in my foot.

But it’s a compliment according to our guide – they only drink good quality blood – so leech marks are a sign of health.  Well, I believed him …