I know exactly what’s in store for us all in 2021 …

Has it occurred to anyone else that what we’re experiencing at the moment is a rerun of the Plagues of Egypt?  Or, to be more precise, what we are experiencing is all the same plagues, but not necessarily in the same order.

In Biblical times the plagues started small and built up in intensity – frogs, then gnats, then flies etc etc – but in our days of shortened attention span, we’ve gone straight in at number ten, with the Killing of the First Born.

This was closely followed by the plague of locusts –

Stripping all the supermarket shelves bare.

More recently, there was the plague of Frogs –

which saw us marooned and starving here on Plague Island.

Then there was Storm Bella (Plague of Thunderstorms)  which didn’t actually turn into rivers of blood (Plague number one) but did lead to rivers in flood –

so I’m wondering whether that was a misprint in the original.

And there you have it.  We are now at the halfway mark – five plagues down and five to go.  Would you like to know what you’ve got to look forward to in 2021?

The five remaining plagues are:

The Plague of Gnats

The Plague of Flies

Darkness for three days

Pestilence of Livestock … Veganuary, anyone?

And finally, the one I’m looking forward to the most … the Plague of Boils. 

I’m just off to the chemist’s to stock up on Sudocrem and sterile dressings before the pharmaceutical locusts strip the shelves bare.