The Polynesian Cultural Centre on Oahu is Hawaii’s biggest living museum and it reminded me of the Small World ride at Disney or Miniland at Legoland. It’s essentially a hop and a skip through the culture of all the different Polynesian island groups – Tonga, Tahiti, Fiji, Samoa, Aotearoa and Hawaii – focusing on the more interesting aspects of their traditional lifestyle. For example, there’s a demonstration of how to climb a tree to pick a coconut, but no demonstration of how to do your washing with no running water, let alone a washing machine.
Having watched several shows and demonstrations from the different island groups, I came to the conclusion that the Cultural Centre is basically men in skirts doing cool things to impress men in trousers. The men in skirts were juggling with fire, shinning up trees with a rope around their ankles, hollowing out tree trunks with a knife, and doing a whole variety of other manly activities, while the men in trousers looked on and occasionally had a half-hearted attempt themselves, even though they knew it would end badly.
Men in trousers were not allowed to climb the palm trees, nor to juggle with fire, but they were allowed to twist the unlit fire sticks and try to spin them deftly, or attempt to whittle a log or copy some dance moves – and needless to say, they didn’t do very well at any of these things. This is a win-win situation; the men in skirts feel a sense of superiority, and the men in trousers go happily back to their office jobs, knowing that they’re just not cut out for life in a skirt.
Somewhat surprisingly, the Polynesian Cultural Centre is owned and run by the Mormons. It was built on land belonging to Brigham Young University-Hawaii, and most of the staff are Mormon students from the university. The whole idea began in the 1940s when the local Mormons wanted to earn money to rebuild a church destroyed in a fire, and it has grown from there, but I’m nor sure whether there’s a connection between Mormons and Polynesians, or whether it was simply a money-making opportunity.
Not to be left out, I had a go at being a Polynesian and tried my hand at making a windmill out of leaves. Not quite sure why they do this, but it may have been an early attempt at renewable energy. Anyway, I followed all the instructions perfectly, but my windmill refused to spin. The lovely Mormon student doing the demonstration tweaked and twiddled my windmill but it remained stubbornly stationary.
So, much like the men in trousers, I left with the conviction that I would have been a hopeless Polynesian.